Keep Your Tariffs, Clown. India Keeps Its Spine
When Donald Trump tweeted his outrage over India’s Russian oil imports, it wasn’t just a foreign policy position—it was a tantrum. A full-blown, playground-level meltdown. You’d think the man found out India replaced him with a more stable supplier of spray tan. Instead, all India did was buy oil for its citizens at a reasonable price during a global energy crisis. But in Trump’s world, that’s apparently an act of betrayal.
Let’s get something straight, Mr. Trump. India isn’t a character in your reality show. Prime Minister Narendra Modi didn’t sign a lifelong loyalty contract when he gave you a bear hug in Houston. If you mistook handshakes for handcuffs, that’s on you. Friendship among nations doesn’t mean bending the knee every time you throw a Twitter tantrum. India didn’t become the fifth-largest economy to serve as a footnote in your foreign policy diary.
And while we’re at it, let’s address your fantasy novel about preventing a war between India and Pakistan. You didn’t. You weren’t even in the same timezone when India was dealing with cross-border terror. We handled our security, our way, without dialing in your reality-show hotline. Just because you said it on stage doesn’t make it true, no matter how badly the Nobel Prize committee ignores your daily voicemail campaigns.
Your meltdown over India “reselling Russian oil” is equal parts hilarious and hypocritical. India buying crude, refining it, and selling fuel to whoever wants to buy it isn’t some nefarious Bond villain plot. It’s called trade. It’s called economics. You might want to pick up a book before your next campaign stop. Meanwhile, the EU is importing Russian LNG like it’s a Black Friday deal, and the U.S. is quietly bringing in Russian uranium under waivers. But please, do go on about India’s morality.
Oh, and let’s not forget your past remark that the Indian economy was “dead.” Well, if this is a dead economy, it must be haunting your trade deficit nightmares. India has emerged stronger, faster, and more resilient than many of your so-called “great allies.” Try explaining that to your rust belt rallies.
And those tariff threats? Cute. Really. We’ve heard this song before. Remember 2019, when you slapped tariffs on Indian goods and India fired back with retaliatory duties? Spoiler alert: the Indian economy didn’t collapse. We didn’t fall to our knees. We adapted. Diversified. Moved on. So go ahead, press that big, shiny tariff button again. We’ll survive your economic mood swings just like we survive monsoons—with grit.
Modi isn’t here to stroke your ego. He’s here to ensure 1.4 billion Indians get fuel, food, and a future. That’s called governance. You might want to try it sometime between your rallies and court dates. You may find it difficult to grasp, but not every nation is obsessed with your approval ratings.
And one final note—you can keep your wars, Mr. Trump. India will not fight them for you. Russia is a trusted friend and ally. We don’t discard partners just because a former U.S. President had a mood swing. We value strategic autonomy over scripted alliances, and we choose long-term trust over short-term theatrics.
India didn’t choose sides in your little morality play because we don’t do geopolitics like high school drama. We choose our people. And no, that’s not betrayal. That’s leadership.
So keep your tariffs, clown. India will keep its spine—and its sovereignty.
Because we’re allies, not accessories. And certainly not extras in your social media theatre.
